[UAH] Are you an electrical engineer?

Are you an electrical engineer?

By: Terry Mackenzie-hoy

17th May 2013 

Donald Flanders said one-third of the people in the world were "subclinically neurotic", or, more simply, "stark staring bonkers". "Happily," he noted, looking at his coperformer,Donald Swann, "there are only two of us."

I believe that people become engineers and, more specifically, electrical engineers because they are 'harpic' (as the cockneys would say) or 'clean round the bend'.

Let us see if you are electrical engineering material by this five-question quiz:

• Do you know where the battle of Kursk was fought? (You will get a bonus point if you name the Russian commander.)

• When the burglar alarm system is replaced, do you strip it down and keep the useful buts, like the battery charger?

• Do you own a 4 x 4 ? (You will get a double bonus if it is a Landrover.)

• Do you really like the movie Snatch? (A bonus point will be given if you know the reference: "No, there's nuffink wrong with the caravan, Tommy – I just don't like the colour.")

• Do you think fishing shirts are a good fashion item? (You will get a bonus point if you own more than three of them.)

If you answered yes to all these questions, then you clearly cannot read since the first answer is Russia. However, if you answered Russia and yes, yes, yes, yes, then, if you are not an electrical engineer, you should be one. By knowing about the battle of Kursk, you have an eye for recent history. Keeping the battery charger shows the ability to acquire cheap spare parts. Owning a 4 × 4 shows a sense of adventure. Liking Snatchshows an off-beat sense of humour and owning fishing shirts shows a sensible economy.

All of these attributes are needed for one to become a successful electrical engineer. In any large corporation (or municipality) or small consulting practice, you must know and respect history. Electricity has no friends and no enemies. If a power system or design is wrong, electrically, it will fail. No amount of site meetings, seminars or workshops will help. Electrical stuff, wrongly specified, will fail. History shows us this.

Fast-track electrical projects will become long-term maintenance nightmares. If delivered late, but working, the lateness will soon be forgotten. If delivered on time but not working properly, nobody will forgive you. Remember the battle of Kursk? You only get it right. Not on time. Keeping the batteries from the burglar alarm system is a good idea.

I can now reveal, 24 years later, that, when I was an Eskom operations engineer, a 200 MVA very-high-voltage transformer was kept spare by National Control at one of its substations. I arranged for it to be collected and delivered to a substation near to where I was in charge since we had more use for it. In due time, the paperwork was lost and, on an inventory, National Control noticed the discrepancy and sent another transformer to replace it. I happily kept the spare unit up my sleeve. We never used it but, boy, did I sleep well. All good electrical engineers have a backup plan – which must be kept secret.

Owning a 4 × 4? Well, when the ice melts and Lions Head becomes an Island and Durban Harbour becomes much bigger overnight . . . you will need one, wouldn't you? That is why all electrical engineers have one. And a Landrover? Well, come on . . . is that a serious question? Liking Snatch? Electricity travels at 100 m in a microsecond. This is also about the time it takes for a very large substation failure to happen – from pristine switchgear to molten copper in less than a second. You cannot cry about it. But, if you likeSnatch, then you will at least see the humour in the futile attempts of mankind to defeat those wonderful women – Lady Luck and Mother Nature.

Fishing shirts? Hey, naturally. Practical, fairly inexpensive, long lasting, lots of pockets – plus you can take the 4 × 4 and go fishing. Nothing better. Now, if, to the above questions, you answered Greece, no, no, no and no, then you are clearly not elec- trical engineering material. Not to worry. Cheer up. Go get a few tattoos and enjoy the motorbike.

Edited by: Martin Zhuwakinyu