{UAH} Uganda: Men Get High in Presence of Women!

Uganda: Men Get High in Presence of Women!

BY JOANNA AKELLO, 2 JANUARY 2014

The general consensus is that it is unsafe to drive on Ugandan roads; not just because of the potholes and traffic policemen but also because we are happy to ignore any traffic laws that inconvenience us.

That agreed, we then apportion the different levels of recklessness, and after taxi and truck drivers, I believe it is all other men. Of course, you are welcome to disagree; you are delusional like that.

When you accuse women of being 'bad drivers' it is only because (other than when we have no clue what we are doing!) we are carefully trying to steer clear of a maniac who thinks he can make it over the pavement and across three lanes to cut to the front of the traffic queue. However, when we say men are reckless, it is usually because you are. And I blame it on female-induced testosterone.

If a car in traffic is doing bizarre things - hooting, zigzagging, speeding through traffic - I always hazard a guess that the driver is not only male but one in the company of a woman. The only time I am wrong is when it is a man in the company of many women. It doesn't even matter the age of the man or the women.

I once sat in a car whose driver made so many unlawful U-turns I could have sworn he was trying to get arrested to avoid a date with me. The first one was to avoid getting into a traffic jam; the second one was because he recalled a place that served better fish; the third one was because he changed his mind from fish to roast pork and the fourth one was because I said I wasn't really hungry anymore so now we were headed to his favourite coffee shop.

Meantime, he was on phone asking his friends where they were and could we join them. At this point I was ready to take a boda home. When I narrated my ordeal to my housemate, she pointed out that he was doing a peacock dance... showing just how manly he is. By increasing my blood pressure?!! We were almost hit by a boda and then again by a car that was overtaking as we completed the U-turn, and once we nearly reversed into a ditch!

The scientists probably have tested a hypothesis on this but till I am convinced otherwise, I will continue to blame it on testosterone. The feminine presence makes it even more important to win: since you did not get the peacock's colourful feathers or the lion's mane, you will drive unlike any other man, to prove your manhood. I understand that but I still think it is stupid.

And during this festive season, this stupidity is rampant on our roads. This is the time to spend all the year's savings on partying with the ones we love or hope to convince that we are lovable. And we think the way to do that is to drink and drive and do anything to overtake everyone else... after all, we are manly like that.

Inanity!

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Gwokto La'Kitgum

"Even a small dog can piss on a tall Building", Jim Hightower