{UAH} Strange, someone will buy sex tonight
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11:51 AM |
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Prostitution is no longer limited to the streets
Entebbe is a beautiful place, and what better way to meet the love of your life than by the water? And if that does not quite work out, you can always move to the nearest hangout joint and pay for her, if only for one night.
That weekend when my friends and I took the party to Entebbe, I was not looking for a confession. The confession followed me to the washroom of The Trap, a popular club where the high-class people like to go.
"These men think we are fools. They are making us take beer so that they can have sex with us free of charge," a somewhat disgusted girl said in Luganda, using words too crude to be published.
"I am not taking any more," responded her friend.
"I have been with South Africans before and they do not like to pay."
Now I believe that no woman (or man) has a right to judge a prostitute. Because one way or another, we all have traded our bodies for money- sometimes we are the buyers, other times we are the sellers. It could be as trivial as a drink in exchange for a kiss, or as epic as a trip to Paris to get her to destroy those divorce papers.
Yes, I know we are all prostitutes. And I know the story of the mother who sells sex on Speke road so that her children can go to school. By day she is in a gomesi visiting in-laws and by night she is wearing boots and heels.
I know her story. But what is the story of the man who buys sex off the street? Why can't he, like other men, woo an ordinary woman? Is he so ugly, so tactless? I pulled up my pants to follow the two voices in the bathroom.
I found the girls by the sink and lingered with them for a moment. They were not the obvious prostitute type. They just looked like people with poor taste in clothes- a lot of effort put in but the results do not look too good.
They walked out toward the waiting arms of two light-skinned men. For some reason, I thought seeing them with these men would bring some kind of revelation- perhaps make me suddenly identify what kind of man had just hooked a jig for the night.
And what kind was a normal decent man just hanging out. Black man, white woman; white woman, black man; mixed-race girl with the handsome man; woman in an evening dress with the man in a suit… who was hiring, who was just having a good time?
"Most of the men here work at the airport and UN. Others are from Kampala," a friend who stays around told me. "Others have just come to Uganda on holiday or business."
I took another look at one of the men with the girls. At least the girls know that this is their life, maybe even a few friends and relatives know too. But the men… for some reason the men who pay for prostitutes are faceless, nameless, and nonexistent. Drunkards, perverts, losers? The men with the girls looked quite decent- nice shoes, nice watch, expensive perfume… they could even pass for rich.
So, why would they just pick someone up on a trip and pay them to have sex? Why can't men like them at least offer more than one night like it happened in Pretty Woman? That way we would say they fell in love and could not help it.
"Hi, do you wonna dance?" I had stared too hard and one of the light- skinned guys had come up to me. Of course I said no thanks. But a little conversation would not hurt
Yes, he was South African. He had come to visit some relatives. He said he was divorced… nothing unusual there. Only as I later drove home, I saw him and his friend in a tight roadside embrace with a swarm of six girls in those tried-too-hard-to-look-good-but-failed clothes.
"You see, this is what men do when they go on business trips," one of my girlfriends observed.
Psychologists have come up with explanations about why men buy prostitutes. They range from abusive childhoods, unfulfilling relationships, the need to meet certain sex fantasies and buying her just because he can. Surprisingly, research shows that only about 3% of men go to prostitutes because of drunkenness or a sexual addiction they cannot help.
"No big deal, it is just like getting a beer," one of the respondents told a group of psychologists from international advocacy groups researching on why men visit prostitutes.
"Lots of men go to prostitutes so they can do things to them that real women would not put up with," said another respondent.
"We are living in the age of instant coffee, instant food. This is instant sex."
Because there is no mark that comes over his head once he buys a prostitute, a woman can only hope the man in her life is not out there paying someone else for sex.
"There is no greater humiliation," another of my girlfriends observed. And we all agreed, awed at the unsettling reality that there are men who actually buy sex!
Is prostitution a necessary evil?
Prostitution is illegal in Uganda and punishable by up to seven years in prison. According to a section of human rights activists, this provision is unfair to the womenfolk involved in trade. Besides having a very wide and subjective definition of prostitution, the law penalizes the women who sell while completely ignoring the men who buy.
The buyers are men from all spheres of society- rich, poor, old, young, ambassadors,...
Sex workers say that these men use and abuse them but they cannot seek protection of the law. Forced drug use, rape, assaults, murders… these are the risks prostitutes face every day. But the law is blind to these realities, preferring to focus more on the sellers than the buyers who take advantage to commit other heinous crimes.
The result is that sex trade continues to thrive- the women sell a commodity on demand and the men buy. Some are killed along the way, others are robbed, others contract HIV or herpes but life goes on. Yet, recent research shows that if prostitution is to be curtailed, it is important to also place sanctions on the men who buy sex.
Research from a London-based organization, Prostitution Research and Education, carried out in coalition with other non-profit organizations indicates that 80 per cent of men would be deterred from buying prostitutes if it would cause them to be added to a sex offenders' register, have their picture published on a billboard or in the newspaper or internet or serve mandatory prison time. They also cited informing their family members through a letter as a deterrent factor.
Still, the debate rages on as to whether prostitution is necessary in the first place, with proponents citing the philosopher Thomas Aquinas saying that without prostitutes, the world would be consumed with lust and so the world should let them be.
"Is it not better than rape or sex with a minor?" is the recurring argument.
Critics such as the Prostitution Research and Education, however, argue that the only reason prostitution thrives is the fact that the men who buy sex are completely ignored in efforts to stem or regulate the world's oldest profession.
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