{UAH} UGANDA: Sex talk: Every little step you take...
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7:50 AM |
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Last weekend, I was at a wedding reception and had arrived early and got a vantage point in terms of seating. I could see whoever walked in.
First, the rather young mother and father of the bride walked in hand-in-hand, giggling. Hmm, I thought, now here is a couple that celebrated their daughter's nuptials early!
They were glowing with a story of their own. I could be wrong, but considering that I had seen them looking distant – even estranged – days earlier at the kwanjula, clearly someone had got an extra helping the previous night(s)!
But then came in another couple; the man was marching several yards ahead of his smart wife, like he was trying to clear a minefield… Trying not be judgemental from where I was perched, I still couldn't help but think, he possibly also does not consider gentlemanly habits, such as letting his wife go ahead of him during lovemaking.
Because the ultimate act of chivalry is a man understanding how much more difficult it is for the average woman to get an orgasm, and thus letting her achieve hers first, before reaching for his.
It reminded me of my young-and-silly years, the first time I fell in love. We had a date at Kampala Club and drunk in love, he escorted me all the way home on foot – and no, I wasn't staying in the city – and once I was safely inside the gate, I escorted him right back to the taxi stage. Sigh.
Great lovemaking is a bit like that too; he makes sure you are safely at your destination before you help him reach his too. If a husband self-centredly marches ahead and reaches for his own pink elephants, not looking back to see if she is following safely or not, he will also never know whether she is bored or enjoying the 'walk'.
And that is what this man was portraying to the wedding guests gathered. But then again, many African men do just that. They walk ahead and let their wives follow like bodyguards, regardless the circumstances. Mbu, that is culture.
And this 'culture' extends to the bedroom; men expect their wives to look out for their every sexual need and what happens to the wives' own needs is…well, too bad.
A few wedding guests walked in with a protective hand on their wives' backs, or even walking a couple of feet behind. I smiled contentedly. Yes, it could have been for show, but at least these men seemed to have it in them to let their wives take the lead as they took the rear, in case of anything.
Then in came the newlyweds, an American groom and his Muganda wife. I knew them personally, so I also knew for a fact that they had decided to not have sex until after the wedding. And man, just from the way he clung to her when they walked in to how he made sure he was not far behind with every step she took, I just couldn't wait for the stories from that honeymoon suite – if any are ever told, that is!
So, the way you relate with your spouse in public tells many strangers possible tales from the most sacred parts of your bedroom; just so you know…
Yes, those tales may not be accurate, but they are there, nonetheless. Small, selfish or even chauvinistic acts from you can leave many feeling sorry for your poor spouse. And this includes table manners. Hmm, don't even get me started on those!
Because for many a wife, it is not just about how long her husband lasts in bed, or how well-endowed he may be; it is also – actually mostly – about how giving he is. If he is a taker, taker, taker all the time, that super-size of his could be missed, or even be in just his head.
Don't take the gender equality talk out of context; I hear men drop that E-word all the time as an excuse to treat their wives shabbily and like fellow men. Yeah, let her flourish in spite of her sex; just don't forget to be the husband.
Now you know why I had a wonderful time at that wedding. That, and the wonderful Drummex band.
carol@observer.ug
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