{UAH} ROBERT MUKHOLI IN JEZEBEL’S ARMPITS (Joseph Kabuleta’s Weekly Rant)

 

Robert Kabushenga once did the lowliest jobs at The New Vision --- compiling newspaper sheets in their proper order ---- but he rose to become the Group CEO. That's an inspiring story worthy of a self-help guru. May be he should be traversing the nation, giving motivational lectures and regurgitating the same drab truisms about hard work, never giving up on your dreams blah blah…

But the devil, as they rightly say, is in the detail.

It was Conrad Nkutu, New Vision's former Corporation Secretary, a glitzy but congenial character, who recommended Kabushenga to the Group CEO for the post of legal officer. That was the first step in his upward trajectory and he owed it to a hand of benevolence.

Then Nkutu got taken up by the Reform Agenda and did a lot of clandestine work for Col Kizza Besigye in the run-up to the 2001 elections. After the polls came the inquest. I am sure Nkutu kind of expected it, so he endeavored to cover up the paper trail.

He could have gotten away with it. He almost did.

But one implicating paper was miraculously discovered. The man who unburied it from among the rubble was a casual worker who is believed to have been in collusion with someone in a higher office. Nkutu was soon clearing his desk and it came as no surprise when the wily Kabushenga replaced him as Corporation Secretary.

There was an investigative reporter at the New Vision at the time called Emmy (I will leave out his other name) who was known to have top sources in government and security circles. It was Emmy who first intimated to William Pike, the CEO, that whispers in the corridors of power were that Kabushenga was plotting for his job.

Being the Mzungu he is, Pike, preferring to 'walk in the light', called a meeting with both of protagonists and asked Emmy to "repeat those accusations".

Kabushenga reportedly laughed his head off, like it was the most ludicrous thing he'd ever heard, with Pike joining in the laughfest. The Briton assured Emmy, who sat there looking like he'd swallowed a wasp, that he fully trusted his lieutenant and the rumors couldn't possibly be true.

The Movement kingmaker at the time was Amama Mbabazi; and how the obsequious Kabushenga kowtowed to him.

It came as no surprise when a man who was raised by his Mugisu mother as Robert Mukholi; a name that also appears on all his school documents, discovered his Mukiga roots, took on the Kabushenga name, popularized it, and sent the other one into near oblivion.

In his brief period as a columnist, he spoke fondly of Kanungu, the land of his father's birth, like his childhood memories were hidden there; he went on a crash course to learn Rukiga and behaved like he had truly arrived when he was Master of Ceremonies at the wedding of Amama's son. Nobody knows the power of association quite like Mukholi, sorry, Kabushenga.

Two other times Emmy warned Pike of an impending coup and both times he was laughed off. Then it finally came to light that the Briton's contract wasn't going to be renewed. He was ultimately pushed out by Noble Mayombo, Board Chairman at the time.

Even if Pike knew that Kabushenga's scheming had been behind the turn of events, he was happy to see him take over because he feared that another cadre with no understanding of the media business might run the newspaper down.

When Amama fell off the Movement bus, Kabushenga was walking on thin ice. Several other cadres labelled him 'Amama's man' and were queueing up for his job. The man who lived by the sword of intrigue was about to die by the same. But he requested for an audience with the president and assured him that he was only working for Amama because he was the Prime Minister, appointed by the president. His true loyalties, he swore, belonged to the old man. He won a stay of execution.

Kabushenga is a ruthless climber. They never stop at anything. He is on top of the tree at New Vision, with no backs left to stab, and is probably bored. He once considered running for FUFA president, then was mentioned for president.

He has a new godfather in the government (or should I say godmother, LOL) in that woman Jezebel. For the uninitiated, Jezebel was a wife to the king of Israel who used her sorceries to become the de facto leader of the nation. Even her husband was scared of her. She was a ruthless megalomaniac who summarily executed her opponents. Draw the necessary parallels with Uganda and you will never ask me who Jezebel is.

The original Jezebel was known for her antipathy towards men of God.

When you see a national publication that once prided itself in being the "paper of record" lead with an interview, which they solicited, of an estranged Pastor's wife, and then all its sister media follow suit as if Pastor Aloysius Bugingo's marriage woes are the most pressing news in the country, then you know that Jezebel is pulling strings and her puppet Kabushenga has to dance.

So now an English-speaking daily is going around interviewing pastor's wives hoping to find something salacious enough for their front page? 

Has the media fallen this far?

How about we start these interviews with Kabushenga's wife. Who is to say that we won't find sleazier family squabbles; say like disputes over paternity of kids (I am just hazarding a guess, for ebisingako awo, don't miss tomorrow's Red Vision, sorry New Vision).

"But Kabushenga is just an NRM cadre," I hear you say. "Surely he cannot be held up to the same moral standards as a pastor!"

Ok, I will give you that. Let's leave him out of this because, unlike him, we are decent people.

Perhaps they should interview my wife (I am a pastor). Marital issues once put me on the front of the Red Pepper. I wouldn't mind upgrading to New Vision; although I am not sure that would be an upgrade. As it stands, those two are one and the same. My point is; Nobody has a PhD in marriage. If your boat is still at sea, you dare not laugh at another that is capsizing.

Or maybe we extend our interviews to Anglican clergymen. I know several reverends and bishops who have marital issues that could make for salacious headlines for next week's rant.

Perhaps we extend our inquisition to the Catholic church and see if those stories of priests, bishops and cardinals molesting kids are only in Europe, America and Australia. I know they aren't. With a little scratching I could find several equivalents in Uganda.

The thought of it excites me. I cannot wait for next week's rant.

By the time I am through unburying all the dirt, Pastor Bugingo's marriage wrangles will look like Sunday School.

There are some fools out there who think that they have a right to comment disparagingly on my faith but expect me to treat theirs as scared. Kid yourselves. Desecrate mine and I will return the favor, with interest.

There are certain corrupt clergymen who sit in Nakasero and plot to enforce their religious policy on Born Again believers. In order for it to pass, they must create a demand. To create a demand, they must show Pentecostals to be messy. Jezebel is their patron. New Vision is always in attendance, and is their mouthpiece. That's what the overwhelming Bugingo coverage is all about; reviving the Fr Lokodo policy.

Who knows what Kabushenga is scheming for now. May be a ministerial appointment. Whatever it is, he must be seen to be doing his godmother's bidding by casting pastors in bad light, even if he despoils New Vision's hard-earned reputation in the process. Sometimes I pity the many decent people who work for that once honorable publication.

The truth is, New Vision is as jaded as the 'visionary' who started it in 1986. They are both wobbling to the finish line. They have survived as the best-selling newspaper in much the same way as their visionary has retained his throne; by tying the hands of competitors. 

While their rivals --- Daily Monitor, Red Pepper and Bukedde --- survive purely on voluntary street sales, there is an unwritten law that requires all ministry departments, government organizations, District leaders (RDC, CAO, DISO etc) to keep on subscribing to New Vision. 

That's why other newspapers strive to put out quality content worthy of their readership while Kabushenga's tabloid degenerates into Front Page sleaze. 

Left to themselves, New Vision would struggle to circulate 3000 copies; they would soon become a relic, like those Museveni portraits that have been hanging in banking halls since the 1980s.

But like the visionary they serve, soon not even the unleveled ground will be able to keep them afloat.

For nostalgia's sake (I worked there for ten years), and for the sake of my colleagues who still work there, I pray that when that climber moves on to his next stop, he leaves them a root stamp from which they can grow again. The sooner that happens the better for all those thousands of employees.

In the meantime, Pastor Bugingo is going to continue attracting his thousands, as before; they will continue giving him money, as before, he will complete his new house and sleep in it, and Tabloid Vision will realise that they did more harm to themselves than to the pastor.

And those who don't attend his church will continue getting angry over money that was never theirs, and will continue spending THEIR own money in whichever way THEY want, and wondering why 'gullible' believers take THEIR money to 'greedy' pastors instead of other places like bars.

The definition of idleness is telling someone how to spend his money when you never had an input in how he earned it.

--
Disclaimer:Everyone posting to this Forum bears the sole responsibility for any legal consequences of his or her postings, and hence statements and facts must be presented responsibly. Your continued membership signifies that you agree to this disclaimer and pledge to abide by our Rules and Guidelines.To unsubscribe from this group, send email to: ugandans-at-heart+unsubscribe@googlegroups.com
---
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Ugandans at Heart (UAH) Community" group.
To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to ugandans-at-heart+unsubscribe@googlegroups.com.
To view this discussion on the web visit https://groups.google.com/d/msgid/ugandans-at-heart/CABfZXG1PMB_ssvYPGpUh5tgoDoeW9RgpK%3DK29UDH9X7f2T82Zg%40mail.gmail.com.