{UAH} THE JUSTINE NAMEERE AND FARIDAH NAKAZIBWE FUED: WHY IT IS NOT A SMALL MATTER.

THE JUSTINE NAMEERE AND FARIDAH NAKAZIBWE FUED: WHY IT IS NOT A SMALL MATTER. 

By Henry Mutebe

For the last couple days, there has been a conflict between two popular Ugandan female TV personalities that has vacuumed all the power from other stories and events in the media space. It has persisted with biting force. 

The story. About two years ago, Faridah, a news anchor and talk show host, accused Justine, a former colleague at the same TV station, of intruding into her marriage by sending concerning messages to her fiancé – a one Sali. Faridah went full throttle on her facebook page writing an explosive  post that shot sparks in the social media space. It was a story read by small and big alike. Justine is a daughter of a very respected senior citizen. The allegations would not only bruise her but embarrass the father and all kin alike. It was utterly  explosive. 

The ever thirsting public, also wounded by their own personal struggles and in constant search of bad news elsewhere to make their own feel a bit less, waited for Justine's response with impatience. It was good bad news. It made everyone forget their hustle. After a while, and what I believe to have been a measured response, Justine vehemently denied the accusations and went to court to seek redress. 

Perhaps its the celebrity worship culture and the vulnerabilities of obsessions with TV personalities but Faridah seemed to have won the social media followers to her side-in the first round of the battle.  She was believed. Justine was put on the cross and crucified...she died and was literally burried.  But she rose again...and ascended into the public limelight again  as they say...you can win a battle but not the war...it was not yet over. Drums beat. Guns roared. The smoke poured into the sky. The war raged on. 

  

In the days that followed, it has been reported, investigations revealed that Salli- the fiancée of Faridah was the one creating pseudo accounts and sending his fiancé messages while pretending to be Justine. This he did with many others, they say. It was odd. It was shocking. It was like a page torn out of a scary movie only that this time, it was real. Faridah had been fooled- badly. This turn of events changed the dynamics of the case. 

 

Justine, in her latest revelations says that Farida, having realized that she had been fooled by the man she called a fiancé/husband, confessed, during arbitration, that she had made a mistake and had since canceled their relationship. Justine adds that Farida asked her to forgive her. Justine demanded that since Faridah had made her accusations in public- on social media, damaging Justine's name and causing great emotional torture not just to her but to her family, she should withdraw those allegations on the same platform she used to make them. 

For Faridah, this was a tall order. First, she had not wanted the public to know that Salli had fooled her. Just coming to the realisation that she had been fooled and conned, was traumatic enough. She would not want her social media haters to consume such news. It would be to walk to the eye of the storm. She never talked about it, until today when the public learnt from Justine. She was given over 6 months to come clean and clear her colleague's name. But Faridah has found it hard to do so. She has maintained a loud silence about it and does not seem to have any plans to yield. 

Driven by what she perceived to be the arrogance of Faridah, and a sheer display of no remorse, Justine recently resurrected the conflict by pouring out the details of what happened. The revelations have changed some hearts but also hardened others. Those who love, or perhaps I should say, are loyal to her, have brushed Justine's latest cache of details about Farida as 'useless' and accused her of wanting to hitch a ride on Faridah's recent shinning form in the media.

Those who support Justine feel Farida owes her an apology. The battle rages on, the judges are many and the public court continues to prosecute the case with scathing subjectivity. 

 

Now, this is my opinion. This case, on the surface looks insignificant. One could easily dismiss it as one of those usual media conflicts whose flames are being fanned by the ever rolling wheels of the media but I think we need to peel off some layers and see if there is something to be learned from it and the implications for the general working of our society. 

Now, like many others, I am a big supporter of Faridah. I think she is a great news anchor, a very intelligent Talk show host and someone who is part of a good Team at NTV that have given us good content that is educative, inspiring and entertaining. You like her or hate her, you can not take that away from her. She is good. 

Justine, too is an intelligent young lady, bred in a refined family, been to some of the finest schools around town and has her admirers.  Perhaps this kind of background that presents her as a strong, unapologetic, I know my rights kind of character does not endear her to many, but it is also an attribute that many find captivating. So in the eyes of the Public, Faridah comes off as the innocent, the public's baby, one that is vulnerable and a victim. Justine has mostly been viewed as a strong, offensive person who should 'get over it'. 

 I must confess, many have not given her opportunity to appreciate her side. But it is not surprising. Our society tends to view women as weak and vulnerable and naïve. Those who come off as strong willed, independent or somewhat 'emotionless' are viewed as 'not good women.' Justine has suffered that believability deficit. She doesn't come off as a woman seeking sympathy or one who is vulnerable.  Her confidence has played to her disadvantage. 

However, even for those that felt Justine was strong, after watching part of her story on NBS, some have come to understand that even behind the strength and smiles, lies a vulnerability that is inherent to us all as humans and that everyone has a story- and for many- a sad story you have no idea about. Its just that some come off strong and don't give any clue about the tears and wounds that are kept in the deepest corners of their lives. Watching her cry for minutes about the loss of her mother brought some onions in the room...and perhaps made people think again. 

In my view, as James Altucher once said, Honesty is the fastest way to prevent  a mistake from turning into a failure. Perhaps I am naïve, and may be I underestimate the power of an apology but I think it would put Faridah miles ahead if she came straight and tendered an apology to a hurting colleague. As they say, not admitting a mistake is a bigger mistake. No body is going to judge her...she is loved...and they will love...even then. It will be a great display of maturity to tender an apology. Those supporting her may not be there as the ugly hands of the law pierce through her purse. The law is a devil. I love Farida and I think it would be a good thing...actually a honourable thing to reach to be firm and say, I am sorry.

It is now clear to friends and foes alike, that Faridah was fooled by a man, and it is not her mistake that she was fooled. Many women in her position would exactly do what she did when she came out to make that post that has remained a thorn in her life. I don't think I will like Faridah any less just because she said I am sorry to her colleague and this for me, is a sign of maturity than if she did not. 

The feud of Justine and Faridah reminds me of our childhood. There was always the young baby in the family…or the one that was loved most by parents…that no matter how cruel or offensive they got, the parents sided with them and expected whoever was offended to 'get over it' or understand. In the end, those children never learned certain values or how to live in an an environment where the parents' protection never worked. 

I think that Justine finds herself in that not very enviable situation. She is the 'not believed child' who must 'get over it' and 'understand'. it hurts. I think we need to understand her also. I must admit, Justine, may have revealed perhaps a little too much, that has now given Faridah more hurt but I think the two can reach out to each other and correct this. I think the talk about where Farida ended in school.. the job of Salli...et cetera may have been a bit of a stretch. But I know anger is not a good friend of those tongue.  Farida shouldnt have even taken all this time that has given opportunity to Justine to spill all these details. A simple I am sorry...what I said was wrong would have saved her all this. See, you have to appreciate that both of them are wounded...and so...it can swing any side. 

But is this all or there is something to worry about. You see, everyday, our politicians do wrong things or they make mistakes. We cry loud and demand that they at-least have the courtesy to say sorry. However, here is a situation in which we feel, Farida should not say sorry. It is not just about Farida people. It is breeding a culture of ego. And it is dangerous. 

While Justine and Farida seem to be two individuals playing our a social conflict, they represent a value system that is being put to the test. On the one hand, you have Justine, wronged and right to demand an apology and on the other we have Faridah, who remains unapologetic. These two are sending messages and shaping public behavior. 

In many moments, you will all be confronted by these kinds of situations. You will one time be the 'unbelieved' like Justine. No amount of crying, emotional toil or damage will make people believe you or even feel remorseful. Then many of you will also find yourselves in a situation like Faridah…a situation where friends encourage you to remain defiant, yet you know for sure, you wronged someone. 

I hope that as we continue to adjudicate this case, you fully appreciate what it means in the larger scheme of things and the implications the conduct of these two public figures has on the value system of our society. 

For me, I celebrate these two women and I hope that those close to them are able to provide honest counsel that shall help them have a meeting of minds, and that both will appreciate what they could have done to each other and have the humility to say I am sorry. As we fan the flames of this conflict, let be known to you that you are not supporting Faridah or Justine, this is a matter of what is wrong or right to do. 

I hope that our obsession with these two people can afford us, for a moment, an opportunity to reflect on the fact that this feud is not a fight between these two but a tension that is ever present in our society- the ever haunting choice of choosing between what is right or wrong. I hope they choose the later. I have write this post with love for both of them.

 As a father...I know that children can fight and both of them can have good reasons to do so...but through it all, there must be values you reinforce as a parent. I think saying I am sorry...in fact retracting those allegations would be a very wise thing to do and should be always be promoted over anything else. It saves a lot. I think we should avoid being team Justine and team Farida demactions. In this case...some things remain in the grey area. To reduce it to team X or Y is not a great idea  I believe both should be helped to overcome the hurt and to continue to ride high in their careers. I am not team Farida or Justine...I am team rising women. When women rise...children have a better chance at their persuit of the future. No body should fall. Values should rise. Unless  Faridas lawyers think a retraction could be a big concession at this stage...and that there are perhaps other...ways to get a better deal.

I sign out.

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