{UAH} QAnon Fears That Greene’s Obsession with Jewish Space Lasers Is Distracting Her from Battling Baby-Eating Cannibals

Satire from The Borowitz Report

By Andy Borowitz

January 30, 2021

Photograph by Jonathan Ernst / Reuters

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—QAnon leaders are increasingly concerned that Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene's obsession with Jewish space lasers is distracting her from her core mission of battling baby-eating cannibals.

In an emergency meeting of QAnon elders, the conspiracy theorists issued a communiqué warning Greene to "stay on point."

"We sent you to Washington as an anti-cannibal candidate for a reason," the communiqué read. "Your focus on Jewish space lasers, while totally valid, may impair your effectiveness in defeating the international baby-eating cabal."

Greene responded by saying that, while she was "capable of multitasking," she had received QAnon's message "loud and clear."

"The great thing about QAnon is we can always discuss things rationally, despite Bernie Sanders's attempts to control our minds with his Jewish magic mittens," she said.

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