{UAH} The FFFs you didn't know about Kenya

Kenya's Five Funny Facts

NUMBER WAN: The second most populated city after Nairobi is not Mombasa neither Kisumu. It is Kakamega

NUMBER TUU: The Odinga family is not of Luo ethnicity but Luhya. Raila Odinga can only stop to trace his family tree to Nabongo Mumbai, the Wanga king who was buried seated on the throne. Even in death the a king ain't done yet.  I saw Odinga family tree mounted on Nabongo's palace museum.

When at a campaign Raila claimed having Luhya roots he was expeditiously and vociferously harangued by a member of the opposition party as a fake Luhya.

Lesson to all my fellow brodaz in crime who lavish fuckaroo expeditions across frontiers. We risk the reputation of our descendants. For generations we will be labeled Magaidi Wa Kikabila, for lack of a better expression simply aka.  Tribal Terrorists.

NUMBER TWI: Luhya royal succession was by far the most unique in that it didn't guarantee first son succession to the throne. Any and all sons were heir apparent - I don't know about the opposite gender - but......

The method of succession involved a simple but precisuon, targeted application of macho power executed in order of age.

An excellent of perfect bull would be led to the royal Court. Spear handed to the first son. Instruction is given to strike the bull ONLY once to its heart and to the ground. Should the bull survive, another bull is dragged to court for the next son to try his luck. And so on...

It most likely didn't happen because older sons weren't that easy to run over when it came to hitting a bull in the heart. At stake would be the the throne and all that came with it - especially limitless number of muchachos.

NUMBER HOE: There is a lo Arion name that sounds coastal Swahilli yet the name origin ain't Swahilli neither Omani nor of the tens of coastal native Baboons.

Place is Kilifi.Kilifi's name origin is unfortunately English.

Yikesss...!

Yeah! Once Whiteman saw the beautiful rugged coastline - courtesy of ocean tides -  and fell in love with it, for a long time the manual GPS to this place was journey to see or tour Kilifi.

In fact, Whiteman meant Cliff. Today's Kilifi is a long shoreline of cliffs.

Typical of Baboon weakness at phonetics,  pronouncing Cliffs would become stressful on the jaws and thick tongue so had to be tamed a bit with the addition of intermittent vowels - in this case vowel letter "i" was undisputed contestant. Hence, from the English reference and descriptive word "Cliff" emerged the baboonized corrugated name "Kilifi".

NUMBER FAI: The Pokot anesthesia for FGM (y'know, that private and exclusive procedure of disarming women of all threats and anything with semblance or fake lookalike cousin to supa-dupa mandingo) is the frigid cold water that has limited time of staying frigid.

Reason all de-clitting surgeries are performed at dawns and often at a river, creek or stream from which initiates are summoned one by one to have their frostbiitten and helpless sole candidates unpainfully dismembered

NB: Counts of WAN, TUU, TWI, HOE, FAI are according to my nephew - often heard when observing elevator floor numbers change.

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