{UAH} ACHOLI Woman survives defilement; daughters fall prey

Woman survives defilement; daughters fall prey
Publish Date: Apr 05, 2015

Betty Ndagire (mother to Nakayiza) Photos/Gladys Kalibbala

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newvision

By Gladys Kalibbala

In Buganda it's a taboo to have sex with a relative. If it happens, the culprit could face expulsion from the clan.

If our grandparents were to come back to life today, they would die of shock given the fact that the media is awash with such stories.

28-year-old Florence Nakayiza, a cleaner at a hotel in Lubaga, a Kampala suburb, ran away from her uncle who attempted to defile her at the age of 11. 

Unfortunately, her daughters aged 12, 10 and 8 were not spared the vice. They were defiled by their great uncle (brother to their grandmother) and he infected them with HIV/AIDS.

The incident has left Nakayiza devastated as she narrates:

Nakayiza misses becoming a nurse

She always wanted to be a nurse and believed she would make it in life if she went to school. Before she could even learn to read and write, her parents separated.

Consequently,  she dropped out of school in Primary three.

"There was no way my mother (Betty Ndagire), could afford the school fees. I dropped out and we went and settled at Bwetyaba village near Ndejje University in Luweero District," she explains.

An uncle who came up to take her back to school died after paying fees only a term. This again shattered her dream of ever becoming a nurse.

After his burial, the one who took her over tried to defile her when she was 11. She managed to escape from his home and ran to another uncle. He, however, had no money to pay her fees and opted to take her for casual work.

At only 11, Nakayiza became a maid at a home near Mulago hospital in Kampala.

At 15, she got a boyfriend, Robert Mugabe. He was a boda-boda rider at Kasubi, near Kampala.
Nakayiza says she had not been warned about the dangers of early sex. Soon she got pregnant and had to leave work.  With Mugabe, she got four children.

"He could not look after me and the children so he sent me to Kyenjojo to live with his family," she explains.

Nakayiza's daughters and son at school

Returning to town

The husband rarely supported them while they were in the village. This annoyed his family members who shouldered all the responsibility.

"I left Kyenjojo in 2012 and took my children to my mother's home in Bwetyaba village and left for Kampala to look for work so that my children could go to school," she explains.

Nakayiza who broke down several times while narrating her ordeal says she wanted her children to have a different life and a better future unlike hers which was full of misery.

Trouble starts

Nakayiza learnt that some time last year in December, her daughters participated in a community health outreach program.

When their aunt who had gone with them went in for HIV screening, they also asked to be screened.

However, at the time of giving out results, the health officials demanded to meet their parents. Nakayiza was called from Kampala.

"I could not believe the results. I had delivered from Mulago hospital where I was always checked during pregnancy and had never been found to be HIV positive," she explained.

As she prayed to wake up from what seemed like a nightmare, trying more than two other centres for more screening, reality remained that all her girls were HIV positive. What was not yet clear was why their young brother was negative.

A counsellor who talked to the eldest girl is the one who found out the whole story. The girls narrated how their mother's uncle, Semuwemba, used to have sex with them. They all explained instances when they woke up on different occasions without their knickers and feeling pain in their private parts.

It was only the older girl who saw him one time at night as she woke up because of pain. "He was on top of me and I kicked him with my foot," she says.

Unfortunately, when she narrated her ordeal to the grandmother, she accused them of being spoilt.

She warned them never to bring up such a subject again. The older girl is still traumatized by the revelation of her positive status.

What the grandmother says

"Because they were very young I did not believe penetration had taken place and since we were staying with my mother, I suspected such news (accusing her son - my brother) would disturb her.

"I, however, knew Semuwemba's behaviour. In the past he allegedly raped his older brother's widow well-knowing that he had died of AIDS. He also raped a daughter of one of our uncles who had been sent to stay at our home.

I had also made it a point for these children to sleep in my room. I suspect he used a chance when I was away for two weeks attending to a sick relative" the grand mother says.

Appeal

Nakayiza explains that the girls have been put on ARVs but they need a good diet. She gets very little pay and cannot afford to rent a house for herself. She lives in a tiny workers' dressing room at the hotel where she works.

"They need good feeding and proper education which I cannot provide. I appeal to organizations that care for people living with HIV to help my children have a decent home and education," she appeals.

"Since their father could not give them support when they required little money, there is no way he can now provide for them. To assist them contact 0782811445.

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Gwokto La'Kitgum

"Even a small dog can piss on a tall Building", Jim Hightower

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