{UAH} Consulting Revisited

Consulting Revisited
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
Always listen to experts. They'll tell what can't be done and why. Then do it.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less, until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
Hiring consultants to conduct studies can be an excellent means of turning problems into gold, your problems into their gold.

You Might Be a Consultant if...
· you ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
· you decide to reorganize your family into a "team-based organization."
· you think that it's actually efficient to write a ten page paper with six other people you don't know.

 you believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and "improvement opportunities."
· you explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as "highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."
· you can explain the difference between "down-sizing," "right-sizing," and "firing people's arses," and you actually believe your explanation.
· you can spell "paradigm" and you actually know what a paradigm is.

How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.
Three. One to change the bulb and two to write the standards and tell him what he did wrong.
Five. One to change the bulb and four to tell him how much better they co