{UAH} Mr President, Ugandans are just ungrateful

Mr President, Ugandans are just ungrateful

• February 10, 2021
• Written by Dr Jimmy Spire Ssentongo

We have always been taught that one way of toilet training a dog is by beating it at the wrong spots where it eases itself.

Take it there, make it smell its fresh waste as you rain lashes on it. We can talk about animal rights later. Indeed, this approach to training dogs is read from psychology books on 'conditioning'.

If you want to reinforce any behaviour, reward it. If you want to discourage any, punish it. This not only works on other animals; it can as well be effectively applied to humans. I wonder though why it is not working on many Ugandans. Ugandans are stubborn people who might only learn to make the 'right choices' with the whip above them.

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There is all fresh evidence to show that being good to them is not enough. When you give them a house, they want to first compare it to yours before expressing gratitude.

You punish them for 'wrong choices', they simply become more complicated. Mr President, I was so disturbed when I heard the 'results' being read - that you scored 58%! In your humility, you said you were happy with the outcome. No, Mr President, you shouldn't.

Opposition candidates were teargassed and brutalised while processions of your campaigners never got to even know the good scent of teargas. This was unfair to you. The biased security forces denied you sympathy. You went to all parts of Uganda where some candidates did not.

You deserved some extra scores for this, unlike the lazy opposition who could not even traverse a country as small as this. Some have complained about your privileges of incumbency, not knowing that it is actually a burden. I know you quite well. You do not want those so many lead posh cars forced onto you.

You already told us you want something as simple as a Datsun. You do not want people swept off the road wherever you are passing. It is those crazy paranoid security people. Out of immense love, you chose to launch development projects during the campaign period.

Almost wherever you went, there was something to launch. These were projects you funded with your own money. Yet still, with all this generosity, all that comes out is 58% in a competition with tied people. And I hear even the 58% was a genetically modified outcome.

Still, is that all that this gentleman we appointed ourselves could come up with, even after facilitating him with a conducive total internet blackout? This reflected so badly on your image, our beloved father of the nation.

It was not different from our big talking Mathematics teacher who sat our Maths Mock paper with us in S4 and he scored 56%. Mr President, you have sacrificed your entire life for this country. As you often remind us, for several years you risked your life in the bush so that we may live happily ever after.

Until today, you hardly sleep. You want to retire to your country home and peacefully rest with your grandchildren but, against all health advice, you have chosen to stay for our own good. You surely don't like the presidency; you are just helping us. Yet all we pay that great love with is a miserable and moreover dubious 58%.

What do we do with such ungrateful people? Take for instance, Buganda! You have been so good to them. Their villages are flourishing more than ever before. Masaka, for example, has never been as developed and productive as it is now – factories, good roads, cooperative societies, state-of-the-art hospitals, training institutions, market for their produce, name it. Ever since we came into power, Nyendo town has been everyone's envy.

We allowed them to monopolise the nsenene business. The potholes they complain about are meant to attract nsenene when lights cast against the waters in them to produce bright reflections. Buganda is that ungrateful grumpy child that wears torn clothes to make visitors think that she is mistreated.

Now they are making all sorts of exaggerated noise about their children being kidnapped. Only about 40 or 50 missing people, but you would think that the region has been emptied! I don't know what they will say when they eventually learn that all the people they allege to be kidnapped were actually taken for training on emyoga.

The 'drones' they are shouting themselves dizzy about are actually property of NAADS, which is now in the good hands of the military.

Because many of these young people do not like working, they are picked at night against their will to be taken for livelihoods training for securing their future. It is those without vision that are maliciously comparing your magnanimous government to Obote and Amin's.

They will be put to shame when their children return with tremendous skills. They might have an injury or two, from the factory machines they are learning to use – not from torture as alleged. Just do your thing, Mr President, Ugandans are hard to please.

Social media, Play Store, and YouTube have been off for over a month now. Many are saying that they are making losses because they used such media for business.

Is this more important than the millions of employers who were complaining to us that their employees were not attentive at work because of social media?

This is an economic measure meant to boost the productivity of our workforce. Besides, Facebook deactivated accounts of our people. Now if we can't use it, I don't think anyone else should.

Perhaps Facebook did not not know that it was inserting its finger into the nani of a Ugandan wild cat. Now that social media is off, I believe that we are about to reach middle-income status. Long live your excellency!

jsssentongo@gmail.com

The author is a teacher of philosophy.

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