{UAH} Things men tell me they need during counselling:

Things men tell me they need during counselling: 

Here are 6 common things men tell me they need but don't know how to tell their wives.

1. Men want their wives to say "I love you" more. 

No matter how many years you've been married never assume your husband knows how much you love him. The old saying "I don't need to tell him because he already knows" is false. You must do so daily in words and actions. 

2. Men need their own space after an argument. 

Women are more commonly pursuers for conflict resolutions while men commonly withdraw which reinforces the negative cycle. Let your man cool down by allowing him to retreat to his man cave or do something that soothes him before addressing the issue with him. Give him space. Ideally, agree on a time to resume the conversation so it doesn't get swept under the rug.

3. Men want their wives to initiate sex.

A common complaint is men having to ask for sex and getting turned down again and again. It impacts their manhood and makes them feel demoralized. They tell me they wish their wives would be more spontaneous about sex and do exciting things to spice it up. Many tell me their wives are even embarrassed to say the word SEX or talk about fantasies or talk sexually during sex. Remember, it isn't haram to talk sexually to your husband or to court him sexually. On the contrary, it's encouraged and an act of worship with the correct intention. The more couples talk about sex and their fantasies the better sex they have. 

4. Men want to be praised and appreciated regularly.

Many men tell me "she doesn't appreciate what I do". Men, especially those who are the primary providers in the relationship that work massive hours during the week need regular praise and a supportive partner in their corner to cheer them on.

Just like women, men need encouragement and support too. Think about how good you feel when your husband brings you flowers or a small gift or says thank you. Men need that too. Think about the little things that your husband does that makes your life smoother then thank him for them. Couples should show at least 3 appreciations to each other per day. 

5. Men want to be touched.

Men report to me that they prefer physical intimacy and their love language is typical physical touch. Men see sex as physical touch while women prefer emotional intimacy before physical touch and sex. It becomes a vicious cycle. 

I tell my clients to meet halfway and to make sure they create a daily ritual where they give eachother a 6 second kiss and a 6 second hug when departing and reuniting every day. 6 seconds is enough time for the good hormones to be released which is a good lead up to better sex later on. It fulfills the man's desire for physical touch and shows the wife he isn't kissing because he just wants sex.

6. Men want to be respected. 

It's part of man's nature to love being respected. Nothing hurts a man more than being disrespected especially in front of the children, family and friends. When men are constantly disrespected it minimizes their chances of showing emotions and being emotionally connected or responding appropriately to their upset wife. When men feel respected they tend to be more "at your service". As the Arabic saying goes "treat him like a king and he will be your servant".

Catch your husband doing something right everyday and let him know instead of focusing on his flaws. 

Women who focus on their husband's strengths and tell them what they do well are bound to have happier marriages. 

If you have a good man in your life, recognize it and treat him accordingly and most importantly LET HIM KNOW. 

Disclaimer: this is based on my experience counselling men and working with couples. These advices are general and do not apply to domestic violence and abusive relationships.

By Mohamed Rima

Views are of the counsellor only

--
Disclaimer:Everyone posting to this Forum bears the sole responsibility for any legal consequences of his or her postings, and hence statements and facts must be presented responsibly. Your continued membership signifies that you agree to this disclaimer and pledge to abide by our Rules and Guidelines.To unsubscribe from this group, send email to: ugandans-at-heart+unsubscribe@googlegroups.com
---
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Ugandans at Heart (UAH) Community" group.
To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to ugandans-at-heart+unsubscribe@googlegroups.com.
To view this discussion on the web visit https://groups.google.com/d/msgid/ugandans-at-heart/CAJgJtm29uQxW6zWpPQt9dW3YCPz71HHkzQ%3D060_eeXULOj%2BfjA%40mail.gmail.com.