{UAH} What happens when Uganda hosts the Olympic Games?

What happens when Uganda hosts the Olympic Games?

SUNDAY AUGUST 15 2021

What if Uganda hosted the Olympics games? PHOTO/ILLUSTRATION

Summary

• Opening ceremony: There is a problem. The flame at Namboole cauldron dies. A quick investigation reveals that the hydrogen procured for the flame was not used – it was paraffin.

ADVERTISEMENT

By Jacobs Odongo Seaman

More by this Author

What would it be like if Uganda hosted the next Olympic Games? Since most of you have so much tax burden to worry about, I will do the imagination honours.

Speaking of taxes, a minister whose name needlessly reminds everyone that he is a man announces that each gold medal will be taxed seven per cent worth of its value, silver four per cent and bronze two per cent.

"Honestly, we've nothing more to tax in the country," the minister says. "Athletes who can't conform to the tax regime should not come for the Games."

Fufa boss asks that his private company Budiofe Satellite gets exclusive rights to produce all TV content. 
"It's our game," he tells Infant, the Fifa man.

"Historical Fufa president," the Fufa boss' leeches clap.
Days to the opening ceremony, there is a big fight over who the torchbearers should be. Officials from IOC, World Athletics and local organisers must go to Gulu to meet the General over the matter.

This helps end the feud that had boiled as Kembabazi, who has a Siamese relation with the First Family, and a minister battled for whose sons and daughters are listed as torchbearers.

ADVERTISEMENT

"I'm also going to Gulu," insists a ragged man wearing a "silent majority" cap as he makes his way to the Kayola Bus that Kiira EV has forced on IOC.

"What's your business? Zue is in Kiwatule," the bearded fellow is told.
"I've a list of musicians who were denied performing at the opening ceremony. We need compensation," he says.

The opening ceremony has to be pushed back to the following day after it emerged at the 11th hour that the firm that was awarded the event's contract had long run bankrupt. At least Shs700b has been lost in the scam. 

"UPDF to takeover historic Olympics opening ceremony," screams a daily on Tuesday, July 22, 2024. The kicker says the minister who engaged the non-existent firm has denied payment was made.

The opening ceremony is on. But there is a problem. The flame at Namboole cauldron dies. A quick investigation reveals that the hydrogen procured for the flame was not used – it was paraffin.

Nakalema vows to uproot the culprits who stole the hydrogen. She starts her probe by grilling clueless women who sweep at Namboole parking.

In a tweet, OO says Uganda was exhibiting the true African culture by using firewood to light the cauldron. Abigaba, Ashbag Cattle and others retweet this, thanking the ruling party for promoting pan-Africanism.

Day Three of swimming and American great Kathleen Ledecky complains that it is a fish pond in Munyonyo they are swimming in.

"The water looked funny but we were assured it was African weather but my feet got stuck in water weeds… hyacinth," she says. "This is a pond."

A daily newspaper reports that the pond is owned by famous tortoise farmer Alicia Ainembabazi. Police summon the newspaper's editors over sedition and printing false news.

It's Day Eight of the Games and the evening session is interrupted by abrupt power cut. 
@PowerDistributerUg: #OutageAlert! Areas of Bweyogerere, Banda, Kireka, Kinawawataka, Kirinya, Namugongo, Kyambogo and Ntinda are off due to a fault on the main line. Works are in progress to restore supply. We regret the inconveniences caused | HN

@Fredo Empanga: The Joint Security Taskforce is holding two boda boda cyclists who disappeared with the money meant for fuel for the generator at Namboole. The suspects were nabbed with the help of the CCTV cameras. One of the suspects, identified as Isaac, attempted to flee and has been put out of action.

Empanga also warns Opposition to desist from anti-Olympics protests. Opposition have been calling on the international community to boycott the Games, saying taking part in it is an endorsement of a Leopard's spots.
A man called Amsterdam petitions the UN and IOC to cancel the Games. Ugandans in the Diaspora stage daily protests.

Overnight, saloons and bars have been opened named Sydney McLaughlin, Kirani James, Chemutai Express… a herbal concoction called Kiplimo Stamina sells like hot cake while a farmer in Mbarara has De Grasse Fresh Dairy advertising on UBC, who are tapping the Games signal from KBC.

A child in Kiruhura has been named Byaruhanga Olympics and twins born on the night of the Opening Ceremony are named Cauldron Flame and Precious Ceremony. They feature prominently in the Rainbow pullout alongside newborns named Steeplechase Medal and Vault Makamazibu.

Beach volleyball is cancelled because Lido and other beaches are submerged. Bobi Wine offers Busabala but the government refuses.

"We shall play beach volleyball from a stone quarry in Kayunga but no using Bobi's property," Judi Namakoopa says.
The women's 100m final is delayed because the starting pistol has gone missing after an official gifted it to his son as a toy. When the starting pistol if finally brought, Fraser-Pryce is nowhere to be seen, apparently, taken to Kisozi farm to see cows and pose for photos with a First Daughter.

--
Disclaimer:Everyone posting to this Forum bears the sole responsibility for any legal consequences of his or her postings, and hence statements and facts must be presented responsibly. Your continued membership signifies that you agree to this disclaimer and pledge to abide by our Rules and Guidelines.To unsubscribe from this group, send email to: ugandans-at-heart+unsubscribe@googlegroups.com
---
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Ugandans at Heart (UAH) Community" group.
To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to ugandans-at-heart+unsubscribe@googlegroups.com.
To view this discussion on the web visit https://groups.google.com/d/msgid/ugandans-at-heart/CAECQChbpLUzoscY4WEeifSGgwVzrZBFfHm6iHY%3Db9gPjhJLPdA%40mail.gmail.com.