{UAH} Welcome to Muteesa Royal University, Where You Ask For Permission To Short-Calls

Welcome to Muteesa Royal University, Where You Ask For Permission To Short-Calls

CAMPUS EYE

MARCH 18, 2015

Muteesa Royal University is that one University we all know exists, but none of us knows what takes place there. Since imagination has never killed a person, we shall veer off and try to imagine what the heavens takes place on that campus.

1. In Muteesa Royal University, they have prefects and not Guild Representatives. That is to say, we have the headboy and the headgirl. We also have the sanitary prefects and the food prefect.

2. We are sorry, but we don't have lectures in Muteesa Royal, we have lessons or classes. And a student is not allowed to go out for short-call unless he asks for permission. You know how we used to bend down a little with our knees and hand raised up to ask for permission to short-call or long call, that's how we do it here.

3. It's punishable to speak luganda inside classrooms (what you call lecture halls in other universities). The class monitor of every stream at Muteesa Royal is commanded to note down the names of those making noise when the teacher is away.

4. Never, please never date a Muteesa Royal Girl unless you are ready to be greeted by a lady kneeling for you in public and addressing you as Mwami.

5. We can imagine that during sex sessions, the girls at Muteesa Royal moan in that perfect Luganda speaking words like; "Nkuwadde bulange yonna yonna, ne Kyambogo, ne busitema yiiyo….."

6. In Muteesa Royal, it's illegal to access the internet without permission from the computer teacher. You must pay money for getting an email address.

7. Katogo is the food of the day at this University. Forget rolex, forget everything else. We must have Katogo, with some katunkuma and balugu.

8. It's shameful to wear mini-skirts at Muteesa Royal. Every girl must do a long skirt, with a petty inside this skirt.

9. You know how it's shameful to be a virgin in other universities. Well, it's shameful for a girl not to have visited the bush at Muteesa Royal.

10. Finally, Muteesa Royal is that University you go to, when you are tired of the modern world and want to get a feeling of what it meant to live in a world before technology, when girls still cooked as well as their mothers, when people believed in relationships not transactions.

That's Muteesa Royal University of our imaginations….

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Gwokto La'Kitgum

"Even a small dog can piss on a tall Building", Jim Hightower

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