{UAH} Love Notes to our daughters

By Jalia Kangave

Love Notes to our daughters- Note 2: My five-year old daughter once came home with an invitation to a birthday party of a boy in her class. When we opened the invitation, she said, "Maama, I don't want to go to that party." (My daughters love parties!) I asked her why. She said, "Because X (the boy) is mean to me." I asked, "How?" She said, "He called me stupid and pushed me." I held onto the invitation for a couple of days – because little people have fights and call each other names and then are best friends the next minute. After two days, I asked her if she was sure that she didn't want to go to X's party. Without hesitation, she said, "Yes, I am sure." I sent our regrets to X's mother. Dear daughter, there will be times when you will be tempted to let things go because you are afraid that when you act on your instinct, you will become less likeable.

Other times, you may just feel the need to be polite even to people who have abused you – in whatever form. And sometimes, you may even be led to believe that you deserve to be treated poorly. People will generally treat you the way you let them treat you. When someone calls you stupid and pushes you and you still turn up for their birthday party, who knows what they will do next? It starts by exposing yourself to the seemingly small transgressions – laughing nervously when someone tells a crude joke about you in front of your friends, smiling when they sneakily pinch your buttocks (even when it makes you feel uncomfortable) and saying, "it's okay" when it really is not okay. Soon, you will be making excuses for the man who cheats on you, you will find a reason to explain why he beat you and before you know it, you will not be able to recognise yourself because you will be living in the shadow of someone else. Draw the line early enough. Say, "I will not go to X's party because X called me stupid and pushed me." Teach people how to treat you. Let them know that you deserve to be treated with dignity. 

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"When a man is stung by a bee, he doesn't set off to destroy all beehives"

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